Believe it or not, it’s been a decade since I’ve wanted to become a YouTuber. I don’t even remember how, but about 10 years ago I first stumbled upon Michelle Phan’s YouTube channel and my dream was born. I was so intrigued by her tutorials and straight away I knew that I wanted to do the same thing, even though I was about 11 and couldn’t afford or wasn’t even allowed to wear makeup. Over the years I’ve watched so many YouTuber’s it’s actually ridiculous. However, I have always held myself back because of this little voice in my head always telling me “you’re not pretty enough”, “you’re not funny enough”, “your voice sounds weird”, “you don’t have the ‘perfect’ equipment” etc. even though I know those things are either not true or they do not matter. However, deep down I’m still not ready yet and maybe I will never be, but I truly 100% believe that what’s meant to be will always happen, but that’s not what I want to talk about in this post..
Over the years I’ve tried this blogging thing. Maybe some of you reading this might even remember how many blogs I’ve had and how I always posted a few posts, then didn’t post for months or even years and then suddenly I had a new blog. I always created new blogs because I ended up hating the name I picked. Although I could change the header, I couldn’t change my blogger name that appeared in the search bar. Unfortunately, my 21 year old self doesn’t think that my choice of the blogger name “cuntsnorlax” which I picked at the age of 15 is a good name to build a brand on. At the time, I didn’t know that you could just buy a domain name, I only just realised that about a month ago. I also never stuck to it, because I was actually diluted by my dream of being a YouTuber, so I never prioritised it.
Last year around November I was going through a pretty rough time in my life and I didn’t really have anyone to talk to, so I decided that I will blog about it. Once again, I posted a few posts and then just didn’t post for months, because “I was too busy with Uni work” when in reality I could’ve squeezed in an hour or two to write up a post, but like I said I didn’t prioritise it, so it never happened. However, the past few months made me realise something and I think it will completely change my life. I really want to be a blogger.
I had some amazing feedback from my previous blog that I created back in November where I talked about why I retook a year at University and some of the personal lessons I have learnt throughout my life. I had people messaging me to keep it up as they found my posts inspiring and I’ve had conversations with people where they responded with “I read that on your blog” which I think is so cool. On top of that, I saw quite a few people creating their own blogs where they share their life experiences which is even more amazing.
I also met some bloggers who showed me the behind the scenes of the blogging world and it made me realise that it’s not as glamorous as it seems, but it’s actually better, as it’s about working hard and pushing yourself to be creative and you get to meet some cool, likeminded people along the way. That’s why I want to share my most valuable lessons of life with you and others, as well as my love for beauty, fashion, travel, food and everything else that makes my eyes sparkle from happiness and this time I will be consistent.